(Photo above is a depressed man)
Since March I have decided to enter into a change of lifestyle which included seeking deeper intimacy with God, readying more, incorporation of a sabbath day, picking back up hobbies, really allowing my purpose to be defined and really to simplify it I just feel the nudge on my life to be the best me!
I lived a year in 2011 that was really hard it was hard to take care of myself. The most important things for me to nurture of course was my spirit. I was hardly doing that and let alone doing horrible with my natural eating and really just became addicted to foods and beverages. I gained excessive weight quickly and grew out my hair not to have a different look but because of the depth of the depression. I had no drive to get a hair cut or even really cared about it.
Fast forward to June 23, 2012 I have been 54 days living as a healthier person. I have lost 22 pounds (with out exercise). I realize I have a purpose out of the hell endured in 2011 that needs to be lived out, I am finding my self to yearning more for intimacy daily with the Father, I have picked up more reading, I now listen to pod cast to grow, I even have a dog i enjoy, and lastly picked up hobby of going to a salsa class in a dance studio. These things I share because its my journey to loving me rightfully.
The title was chosen because part of this journey has involved implementing vegan meals to get on a healthier path and raise up my energy and immune system since last year I was often sick for long periods of time because of the lack of zeal for life. Ive had many people during this journey of me loving myself and one of those ways is eating mostly vegan foods ask "Are you a vegan" or "Vegans don't eat that". Also in a restaurant setting ask across the table is that a "vegan meal" or "Hey Chepe can you eat that? Some comments such as "Vegans don't eat eggs or honey"! There are time where I can sense the purity in the comments and I may laugh cause its funny or I may take time to educate from the little I know and other times I feel defensive because the questions/comments I can sense the sarcasm and maybe even mocking of my current choices of eating. Now mind you in 2011 I had already to learn to "suck it up" and keep it moving when I received harsh comments about my grieving process so its easy to do it again. Im not so caught up on the title of what I'm deciding to do with my eating. Others seem to be and for there sake here is a plane definition and a word for you to call what I am doing for the next several months.
"Ovo-lacto vegetarianism"
An ovo-lacto vegetarian (or lacto-ovo vegetarian) is a vegetarian who does not eat animal flesh of any kind, but consumes dairy and egg products. In contrast, a vegetarian who consumes no animal products at all is called a vegan."
My goal is to eat this way until december and then I will pray and seek ways to continue to eat healthier really for the rest of my life. Im motivated by the death of my sister to share the news of Hope and Healing but also of healthier choices. I don't want to have a disease and I do want to live a long full life so this is one of my many methods I'm choosing of fighting of the chances. I don't pretend to know it all about food, I do love to learn though and nor do I expect everyone to jump on board but please, please, please encourage what I'm doing and don't make it a joke or think I'm on a fad because its really something that I want to live by and its deeply rooted in what I feel God is leading me to change in my life in order to love myself the right way.
I hope that all you readers continue to do what the Father leads you to and I encourage you to be the best you that you can possibly be. Why not? You only get one chance to live on earth you might as well make it worth while! This is my prayer for you 3 John 1:2: "Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers."
Here are some tips to loving yourself that I have been implimenting
Seven Health Needs
1. Exercise
2. Simple diet
3. Sunshine
4. Rest
5. Pure Water
6. Clean air
7. Daily Communion
With all my love
Chepe
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Vegan? Vegetarian? Ovo-lacto Vegetarianisim? Pescatarian?
(Photo above is a depressed man)
Since March I have decided to enter into a change of lifestyle which included seeking deeper intimacy with God, readying more, incorporation of a sabbath day, picking back up hobbies, really allowing my purpose to be defined and really to simplify it I just feel the nudge on my life to be the best me!
I lived a year in 2011 that was really hard it was hard to take care of myself. The most important things for me to nurture of course was my spirit. I was hardly doing that and let alone doing horrible with my natural eating and really just became addicted to foods and beverages. I gained excessive weight quickly and grew out my hair not to have a different look but because of the depth of the depression. I had no drive to get a hair cut or even really cared about it.
Fast forward to June 23, 2012 I have been 54 days living as a healthier person. I have lost 22 pounds (with out exercise). I realize I have a purpose out of the hell endured in 2011 that needs to be lived out, I am finding my self to yearning more for intimacy daily with the Father, I have picked up more reading, I now listen to pod cast to grow, I even have a dog i enjoy, and lastly picked up hobby of going to a salsa class in a dance studio. These things I share because its my journey to loving me rightfully.
The title was chosen because part of this journey has involved implementing vegan meals to get on a healthier path and raise up my energy and immune system since last year I was often sick for long periods of time because of the lack of zeal for life. Ive had many people during this journey of me loving myself and one of those ways is eating mostly vegan foods ask "Are you a vegan" or "Vegans don't eat that". Also in a restaurant setting ask across the table is that a "vegan meal" or "Hey Chepe can you eat that? Some comments such as "Vegans don't eat eggs or honey"! There are time where I can sense the purity in the comments and I may laugh cause its funny or I may take time to educate from the little I know and other times I feel defensive because the questions/comments I can sense the sarcasm and maybe even mocking of my current choices of eating. Now mind you in 2011 I had already to learn to "suck it up" and keep it moving when I received harsh comments about my grieving process so its easy to do it again. Im not so caught up on the title of what I'm deciding to do with my eating. Others seem to be and for there sake here is a plane definition and a word for you to call what I am doing for the next several months.
"Ovo-lacto vegetarianism"
An ovo-lacto vegetarian (or lacto-ovo vegetarian) is a vegetarian who does not eat animal flesh of any kind, but consumes dairy and egg products. In contrast, a vegetarian who consumes no animal products at all is called a vegan."
My goal is to eat this way until december and then I will pray and seek ways to continue to eat healthier really for the rest of my life. Im motivated by the death of my sister to share the news of Hope and Healing but also of healthier choices. I don't want to have a disease and I do want to live a long full life so this is one of my many methods I'm choosing of fighting of the chances. I don't pretend to know it all about food, I do love to learn though and nor do I expect everyone to jump on board but please, please, please encourage what I'm doing and don't make it a joke or think I'm on a fad because its really something that I want to live by and its deeply rooted in what I feel God is leading me to change in my life in order to love myself the right way.
I hope that all you readers continue to do what the Father leads you to and I encourage you to be the best you that you can possibly be. Why not? You only get one chance to live on earth you might as well make it worth while! This is my prayer for you 3 John 1:2: "Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers."
Here are some tips to loving yourself that I have been implimenting
Seven Health Needs
1. Exercise
2. Simple diet
3. Sunshine
4. Rest
5. Pure Water
6. Clean air
7. Daily Communion
With all my love
Chepe
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Unimaginable
There are things that people share with you about their life's battles that as you listen you may think to yourself or even share with them out loud the words "I can't even imagine that." You know as time passes and I think of my sister not being on earth anymore I think, this could not have really happened! When I glance at pictures of my sister I at times say out loud to my self "My God!" because I start to think I can't even imagine that she's gone. All over again I think this is unimaginable.
I can assure you there is a special grace deposited on those who love God because im living the unimaginable and I still manage to stir up joy in me. Look at how great the word of God is that it provides some sort of relief to my current grief.
"We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken." 2Corinthians 4:8-9
"When life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory around the corner." 1Peter 4:12-13
I remind myself that I am not alone. I've actually never been alone because God is attracted to me current state as well as he may be to yours. Be of good cheer if Christ is your savior then you can be at peace that you have the God who is willing to be the God of the unimaginable things in our life!
I can assure you there is a special grace deposited on those who love God because im living the unimaginable and I still manage to stir up joy in me. Look at how great the word of God is that it provides some sort of relief to my current grief.
"We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken." 2Corinthians 4:8-9
"When life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory around the corner." 1Peter 4:12-13
I remind myself that I am not alone. I've actually never been alone because God is attracted to me current state as well as he may be to yours. Be of good cheer if Christ is your savior then you can be at peace that you have the God who is willing to be the God of the unimaginable things in our life!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I know there has to be more
Im very pensive today. I find myself in a place of thinking "there has to be more." I feel as if in the day to day things I do I need to see "the more." I need to get all I can out of my days. My schedule is pretty compact and Im living through a lot of unfavorable changes. In my workplace I feel I need to find more. In my relationship with God I feel like I need to find more, In my friendships i need to find more. I want to push past what I been recieving.
Thanksgiving just passed and to be honest I was not really looking forward to it and I even felt tempted to fall into a depressed state. I decided not to accept that. I been rehearsing a heart of thankfulness and praise since the end of October because of the fear I had of the holidays. So Ironic a seasons that I usually and so many other people enjoy so much are all so excited but I'm not. Im scared of what feelings may try to rise up in me. Especially on New Years.
On thanksgiving I spent it with my Dad and grandmother eating at TGIF. I was even kind of embarrassed to tell people how I spent my thanksgiving. I felt a deep sense of a cheapened thanksgiving for a lack of better words. Suddenly I had to remind myself. ENJOY YOUR LIFE! The more is in what I take out of the moment. The thoughts I have are what can actually cheapen the moment. The more is in my heart posture and thoughts I'm focusing on at that time. In looking for the more I found it. I need to be present, face my fears, love more, and take advantage of every moment. I made sure I enjoyed my TGIF meal with my family. After dinner I went to my dads and to my surprise my brother came from work with a early birthday gift and I found my mom sent a thanksgiving card in the mail expressing her love for me with even a kiss emprinted. My thanksgiving with out a doubt was different but still beautiful. :) I am still thankful.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Release pain
I had a crashing moment as the fork in the road became intensified in a sudden second. I started to feel like what's the point in staying in Fl and even living. I start to feel the weight pulling down like an anchor on my heart as I feel an urge to call my sister Melissa to joke and see how shes doing. Oh man!! I can't explain how horrible it feels to want to call someone and you realise they are dead/passed away/ deceased..what ever you want to call it. Not here and never will be again is the point.
As the holidays approach I fight back some excitement with thoughts of man I'm not buying my sister any gifts this year or giving her a call. It just seems to wrong to me like this can't be really my life. But its my life.
I had to embrace the tears that with out permission streamed down my cheeks and as I rush to leave my dads house in order to prevent being scene in my current state to prevent any additional grief to family I rush to my car and drive back Home there in my car I give permission to my emotions to run wild. I screamed, shoute, and cried so hard I managed to get a nose bleed and a sharp headache.
This is my life I don't necessarily like it right now but it is what it is and I can't change it. I can definatly chose to allow it to make me better.
I'm growing closer to God but it hurts like hell.
As the holidays approach I fight back some excitement with thoughts of man I'm not buying my sister any gifts this year or giving her a call. It just seems to wrong to me like this can't be really my life. But its my life.
I had to embrace the tears that with out permission streamed down my cheeks and as I rush to leave my dads house in order to prevent being scene in my current state to prevent any additional grief to family I rush to my car and drive back Home there in my car I give permission to my emotions to run wild. I screamed, shoute, and cried so hard I managed to get a nose bleed and a sharp headache.
This is my life I don't necessarily like it right now but it is what it is and I can't change it. I can definatly chose to allow it to make me better.
I'm growing closer to God but it hurts like hell.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Words of Vulnerability
So far this year I've been bombarded with so much change I can't keep up. Some of the changes include: I've lost my family dog of 15 years, my car gets broken into, My sister passed away, my neice went off to college, my mom moved out of state, and I feel so lost in the transitions. One day I feel like I woke up and my world was just turned upside down. All of a sudden Im needy, all of a sudden I cry at random moments, all of a sudden its hard for me to pray, all of a sudden I have to fight beyond my feeling every day. Not a day goes by now that I don't have to choose will I accept sadness or will I tap into joy. Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going, if I'm mad or sad, it I care or don't. I'm not just trying to vent, I'm offering vulnerablity because its a gift. Right now all I can give is my best and my best is all ill give. I know I may be misunderstood by others and I may seem different "ever since". It's because over a small period of time my life has changed on many levels. Excuse me If I don't smile as much today or if I'm quieter than usual or if I don't chill as much but the rug has been pulled from under my feet and I'm learning to live again. You can watch, you can talk, you can look down, or you can help me learn to walk again. Either way I will keep trying and keep on keeping on. This is me and all I can give is my best and my best is all I will give.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Hear My Cry
The passing of my beloved sister from earth to the next life has been a deeply defining moment. I've been through many different emotions and confusion that grief presents. I daily fight the spirit of depression and disparity. Through my journey people have seemed to have ignored the fact that even though I serve God I'm a mere man with emotions and im capable of loving God while still hurting. My world has completely changed, forever not just a season. I've recieved overwhelming compasion from people, at times people have prayed down on me and shared words that instead of providing me any comfort it seemed to back fire and kicked me down even lower. The fact is people don't always know how to comfort hurting people, unless they been down the same road before. At least they tried and that I apreciate, All in all I know they meant well so I wasn't angered. In my long suffering I've never thought this is all Gods fault. I know he could of healed my sister but he didnt, at least here on earth. I'm not mad at God, though I have many questions wich I desire not for any man to try to answer for me with their theology. I'll wait for God to answer them face to face one day.
My biggest fight now is being honest with my emotions and at the same time speaking faith. Then I read the scriptures and the men of God were REAL about how they felt but still professed who God is to them, so excuse me as I do the same:
Dear King
I'm full of sadness. I HATE that I had to see Melissa on that hospital bed in those conditions, strugleing to breath while I watched!
I HATE that my dad had to hold her head and wipe her foaming mouth as her head shook ferousiously during a siezier!
I HATED seeing her in a casket, THAT I REALLY HATED!!!!
I HATE that people say "It's ok" cause IT'S NOT!
I HATE fighting back tears in a line buying groceries, at a stop light, at a laugh, a smile, or a women that reminds me of Melissa!
Most of all I HATE CANCER!
I LOVE the grace you've given me and your gentle love!
I LOVE that you allowed her to live till I prayed the sinners prayer with her!
I LOVE that the bible has examples of those suffering and how you were there!
I LOVE that you have opened opportune moments to share love and compasion to others who lost loved ones!
I LOVE how friends have shed tears for their compasion towards my grief!
I LOVE HOW YOU LOVE ME!
YOUR GREAT,
YOUR HEALER,
YOUR MASTER,
YOUR HOPE,
YOUR ELROL,
Thank you for being patient with me and fighting for me! May this defining moment be defined by your touch on my wound. I can relate to the hym, "I've searched high and low and still couldn't find no body greater than you!" Yes and Amen!
Your beloved
My biggest fight now is being honest with my emotions and at the same time speaking faith. Then I read the scriptures and the men of God were REAL about how they felt but still professed who God is to them, so excuse me as I do the same:
Dear King
I'm full of sadness. I HATE that I had to see Melissa on that hospital bed in those conditions, strugleing to breath while I watched!
I HATE that my dad had to hold her head and wipe her foaming mouth as her head shook ferousiously during a siezier!
I HATED seeing her in a casket, THAT I REALLY HATED!!!!
I HATE that people say "It's ok" cause IT'S NOT!
I HATE fighting back tears in a line buying groceries, at a stop light, at a laugh, a smile, or a women that reminds me of Melissa!
Most of all I HATE CANCER!
I LOVE the grace you've given me and your gentle love!
I LOVE that you allowed her to live till I prayed the sinners prayer with her!
I LOVE that the bible has examples of those suffering and how you were there!
I LOVE that you have opened opportune moments to share love and compasion to others who lost loved ones!
I LOVE how friends have shed tears for their compasion towards my grief!
I LOVE HOW YOU LOVE ME!
YOUR GREAT,
YOUR HEALER,
YOUR MASTER,
YOUR HOPE,
YOUR ELROL,
Thank you for being patient with me and fighting for me! May this defining moment be defined by your touch on my wound. I can relate to the hym, "I've searched high and low and still couldn't find no body greater than you!" Yes and Amen!
Your beloved
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What's your choice?
Life isnt easy you guys, it cant present many obstacles. You must choose to turn into hurdles. Youll loose people in various ways. You can choose to cherish to good memories. People may point out all your flaws and slander ur name. You can choose to become a better person. The great thing is NO MATER WHAT.. You can still choose. Be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be!
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