Sometimes tears are the very thing that lead you to Your destiny & Gods heart

Holidays aren't the same

Well we are entering a time of holidays where people gather with their family weather you like them all or not you put that aside and enjoy each others company over food and festive music. I love the holidays and Ive always woken up on thanksgiving, christmas day, and new years with a sense of "wow is it really {Insert holiday here}!" Well that hasn't changed except now I think " Wow is it really a holiday and my sister is gone!" I use to be annoyed by people who didn't just "get over" their tragedy or loss. I felt like telling them "Yo really? Still?! Get over it!" Now I'm one of them (SMERK). Well I don't condor myself a mopey person with a cloud over his head although I can be referred to as a debby downer or negative nancy its just because I grew up noticing the negative instead of the positive (Thanks mom & dad). I am working on that. I enjoyed my family this thanksgiving but I felt really moody (didn't know why) and I started to look at a rose busy my sister Melissa planted years ago. Its her favorite color and It always made me think of her especially when her battle with cancer was raging. The fast that I was only able to look at that blooming rose and imagine her and not see her kind of brought a rush of emotions. I felt hurt, anger, frustration, emptiness, confusion, doubt, unanswered questions,heart ache, disappointment, and yucky memories. I quickly cancel it all out and get busy doing something else and suppress the emotions. My dad asks me in a sense of acknowledging God and begin thankful for me "the spiritual one" to say grace. I annoyingly and rudely decline wondering whats wrong with me (laugh). Those moments make me feel bi polar seriously! The fact is I'm a human who still deals with a lot of inner junk that God is purging and slowly making me into the person that will be refined like Gold. Anyways Im sorry to the world for not being well idk.....actually I'm not sorry I'm just a person living this life where sometimes I feel I was meant to be tortured but then Im reminded there are people who have suffered to much more than myself and I'm so selfish to be "woe is me" type of person (hate when I'm like that). If anything this thanksgiving I was remind that I need people to help me through this by prayer, listening, and conversation and I really need to do this for other people. I don't want to nurture or bond with my pain or anyone else's for that mater but I do want the healing water to rush over me and others. Even writing this right now I feel the waves of healing and love over my soul. Jesus is truly the reason I can carry on and talk about these things its makes me feel free. So as the title to this blog entry states I believe that sometimes tears are the very thing that lead you closer to your destiny and to knowing Gods heart if you allow them to fall. As I needed to you may also need to just cry. Just remember you can cry in the presence of God no better place than to let it flow. Share hope, share peace, and share your story. Chepe :) Thankful for you!

What is LOVE?

I have been thinking about this today. I have many experiences with love in different relationships. Ive never really liked to say "I LOVE YOU" because the word just seems embarrassing unmasculine and sometimes even scary. Whats happened to us that this word LOVE has become so loosely used and so horribly tainted. So many times the word love is used to describe objects and materialistic things even to things that we eat. We say we love people who we've never meet because were intrigued by some artistic ability not having any regards to the person they really are. My point is thats not love, its rather obsession, admiration, idolatry, or a plain exaggeration. I remember the first time I started freely using the word with my first girlfriend. It felt so good to say I LOVE YOU it was so freeing and also exposed a vulnerability in me that was so purely and fearfully held on to. The girl was amazing and made me so happy I was infactuated with a dream world. Till one day it all came crashing in and she broke up with met with really no reason at all it seemed. The word love suddenly became so confusing to me. What is love? I remember seeing divorce within family and wondering how can they divorce each other if they love each other? What happened? How about when your younger and your parents yell or curse or beat you and they are the same person who say "I love you"? Ever had a close friend who knew everything about you and you knew everything about them and then the opposite is true you no longer know them and they no longer know you but you use to exchange the words "I love you". What is love and why does it fail so much? Wikipedia says: Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.[1] Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. So I guess the love the fails is the emotional love. Emotions as we know change through circumstances and as we evolve as people and grow our emotions and feelings may also. There is another type of love thats totally un lie the changing one of emotions. Its the agape love which is spoken about in the bible. "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Matthew 22:37-40) To love God with all my heart, soul, and mind is a challenge. To love my self is a challenge to love others the way that I love myself is a challenge. I usually love myself first God second and people last or some people I love second then God last. I have that thing all mixed up. Its not right! Ive had that fake emotional lOVE for God and people and even myself sometimes. Its a command so I need to align myself correctly and allow myself to be changed my Love. The fact of the matter is that REAL LOVE is unfailing unwavering and unchanging. If I change love still loves me, If i reject love I'm still loved, If I do something shameful I'm still loved, If i turn my back on love love still loves. When I ask myself what is love? My only reference is that agape love. Thats the one thats real that one that is uncommon in the mundane day to day encounters with other people. Its the love a parent has for their child even when they do something shameful or against their wishes for their child. The agape love is the one that says yeah you did me wrong friend but I'm not scared of that I love you still. The kind of Love that sees beyond flesh and bones and sees deep within the spirit of man where an eye can not travel but an agape love can take you. That is the real love. Allow the agape love to radically propel you into the depths in Christ that no fake love can take you. Dear Lord I accept your Agape love for me! I will love you with all my heart mind and soul, I will love myself and I will love others because your love is real.

Vegan? Vegetarian? Ovo-lacto Vegetarianisim? Pescatarian?

(Photo above is a depressed man) Since March I have decided to enter into a change of lifestyle which included seeking deeper intimacy with God, readying more, incorporation of a sabbath day, picking back up hobbies, really allowing my purpose to be defined and really to simplify it I just feel the nudge on my life to be the best me! I lived a year in 2011 that was really hard it was hard to take care of myself. The most important things for me to nurture of course was my spirit. I was hardly doing that and let alone doing horrible with my natural eating and really just became addicted to foods and beverages. I gained excessive weight quickly and grew out my hair not to have a different look but because of the depth of the depression. I had no drive to get a hair cut or even really cared about it. Fast forward to June 23, 2012 I have been 54 days living as a healthier person. I have lost 22 pounds (with out exercise). I realize I have a purpose out of the hell endured in 2011 that needs to be lived out, I am finding my self to yearning more for intimacy daily with the Father, I have picked up more reading, I now listen to pod cast to grow, I even have a dog i enjoy, and lastly picked up hobby of going to a salsa class in a dance studio. These things I share because its my journey to loving me rightfully. The title was chosen because part of this journey has involved implementing vegan meals to get on a healthier path and raise up my energy and immune system since last year I was often sick for long periods of time because of the lack of zeal for life. Ive had many people during this journey of me loving myself and one of those ways is eating mostly vegan foods ask "Are you a vegan" or "Vegans don't eat that". Also in a restaurant setting ask across the table is that a "vegan meal" or "Hey Chepe can you eat that? Some comments such as "Vegans don't eat eggs or honey"! There are time where I can sense the purity in the comments and I may laugh cause its funny or I may take time to educate from the little I know and other times I feel defensive because the questions/comments I can sense the sarcasm and maybe even mocking of my current choices of eating. Now mind you in 2011 I had already to learn to "suck it up" and keep it moving when I received harsh comments about my grieving process so its easy to do it again. Im not so caught up on the title of what I'm deciding to do with my eating. Others seem to be and for there sake here is a plane definition and a word for you to call what I am doing for the next several months. "Ovo-lacto vegetarianism" An ovo-lacto vegetarian (or lacto-ovo vegetarian) is a vegetarian who does not eat animal flesh of any kind, but consumes dairy and egg products. In contrast, a vegetarian who consumes no animal products at all is called a vegan." My goal is to eat this way until december and then I will pray and seek ways to continue to eat healthier really for the rest of my life. Im motivated by the death of my sister to share the news of Hope and Healing but also of healthier choices. I don't want to have a disease and I do want to live a long full life so this is one of my many methods I'm choosing of fighting of the chances. I don't pretend to know it all about food, I do love to learn though and nor do I expect everyone to jump on board but please, please, please encourage what I'm doing and don't make it a joke or think I'm on a fad because its really something that I want to live by and its deeply rooted in what I feel God is leading me to change in my life in order to love myself the right way. I hope that all you readers continue to do what the Father leads you to and I encourage you to be the best you that you can possibly be. Why not? You only get one chance to live on earth you might as well make it worth while! This is my prayer for you 3 John 1:2: "Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers." Here are some tips to loving yourself that I have been implimenting Seven Health Needs 1. Exercise 2. Simple diet 3. Sunshine 4. Rest 5. Pure Water 6. Clean air 7. Daily Communion With all my love Chepe