As Time Pass's

As time passes the numb feeling is being dismissed and the rising up of pain and hurt start's to resurface. I start replaying the last images of my sisters body in the casket as my dad is the first one I see walking up slowly to the casket as my mom quickly rushes behind him to be sure he doesnt collapse at the sight of his babies body. He walks up to see her swollen and pale with no life, gently touching her arms and kisses her forehead. Those images are so heart renching and hurtful in every kind of way to see. It's the pain of seeing a parent hurt on top of the pain of my own seeing my sybling so young in a casket looking nothing like "herself". I at times can't believe I can function with so much hurt, I know that most if not all of my strength has been super natural. I experience such sharp pain it penetrates my heart and I at times cry so hard I feel as if I could vomit, and just when I think im done more tears and shouts must be released.

I know these tears and shouts are so vital to release for my natural and spiritual health. I've been able to manage my pain in a way where I can be vulnerable before God and he is able to do all that needs to get done in me. Im okay with how ever long this take and refuse to say "Im Okay" when all I want to do is cry.

So many tears i've cried, yet my soul rejoices in serving God and being apart of what he is doing. I realize now that time DOESN'T heal but allowing your wounds an hurts to be baren before God brings about healing. Healing comes from the Lord not time.

Nothing will keep me from serving God.

Throughout this season I have seen God show him self as faithul, healer, and the I AM! Hallelujah!