My Love Sets You Free

I type to release the pain that my tears or words seem to fall short of expressing

The images replayed in my mind are the ones I so badly try to erase

In my efforts to be strong I feel so weak

In my day to day I do things i dont want to do

Like wake up to remember your gone

brush my teeth, shower, dress up, and go to work

I do all these things i dont want to do because I want to stop and just think about you some more

I wasn't ready to see you on a bed looking lifeless

I never picured papi just having 3 kids living

I feel a physical pain in my heart

Now I know that the word heartbreak is not merely a metaphore

but its an expression of something that actually descripes something I feel in my chest

Im convinced that no mater what anyone says to me they can not understand

or even try to mend this pain

Im fortunate enough to know some unfortaunate people who have been through this before

I know I will be there for someone else who will have a pain to much to bare

I dont care who so happens to read this and their thoughts of my words

Some may judge me others may empathise and even cry

Im not looking for that

Im releasing words into this note to release the overflow of pain emersing from within me

My tears are dry and words seem to be few and everyday I wake up and go to sleep thinking of you

I miss all of you the good the not so good

I miss the laughs and the disagrements

I miss the sarcasim and they wityness

I miss looking at my phone and having asurance that if i call you i can hear your voice

..........i.....know.....times will heal....and sometimes...that thought..makes me mad...

sometimes i dont want to heal because i relate it to not careing about you

but then i realize that if i love you I will set you free

I wont hold a grudge on you for leaving earth to soon for me

but I await the day with Christ returns and you arise form your sleep.

Oh what a glorious day to see the new made over you and that just brings a smile to my face even now

I learned that my love for you was strong when march 16 I unwillingly said its okay to go and set you free

My love for you set's you free

Words I shared at my sisters Wake 3/18/11

I wanted to share some words Melissa wrote in a note about her son Jonathan.

“My son is the center of my world. Giving him what time and attention I am able to for as long as I am able to is my focus. He has trooped it with me since he was eight years old. He has endured true hardship and apprehension in these past 6 years. He has suffered as much, if not more than I because of the uncertainty created by my illness. But to meet him, you wouldn’t know it. Jonathan is not bitter or sullen. He is an exceptionally warm and funny young man. He is to put is mildly, remarkable.

Jonathan’s resilience offers me strength and courage. His presence reinforces my purpose and renews my drive. His quick wit reminds me that not only is there hope, but a reason to hope. And his captivating eyes implore me to fight on even though I am not offered the respite of forgetting…because neither is he."



Jonathan when I see you I see the strength of a lion. You have been the one who kept your mother going and I know that you have made your mother proud and you are going to continue to do so. You will grow up as a man of God. You will never be alone and we will all take part in your life. We are all extensions of your mother's love for you. I love you!

The life that my sister lived was a life of a champion! I don’t know many single stage 4 cancer moms who can keep up with all the duties of life and never stop laughing, joking, or settling for self pity. Melissa endured many painful experiences emotionally and physically and still held it together for the sanity of her loved one’s. My sister’s beauty was captivating, her words enlightening, her laugh contagious, her humor very witty, and her will to survive simply admirable. The past 6 years of her life I have been sharing with her about a God I have grown to love who is ready to give her fullness of life which consist of Love, joy and peace. Something we all so desperately need. I continued to feed her the word of God and his nature through cards, CDs, DVDs, books and just about every method I could think of. One of the most common topics between Melissa and I was the topic of forgiveness. I want to say to you tonight that my sister has forgiven you all. I can say that with deep conviction. I was able to spend about 12 hours sitting by Melissa just waiting for a miracle. It was absolute torture to see her there on that hospital bed looking nothing like her self not knowing if she was in pain and not being able to do anything more than rubbing her hands and legs and letting her feel the touch of my love. During that time I had some moments to reflect on those conversations of how forgiveness is difficult. I shared with her how difficult it must have been to be mocked, whipped, and nailed to the cross and still love that very person for who you are dying for like Jesus did. At times these were difficult conversations and at other times they were very easy. I share this because there is a promise I have received and that is that my family and I shall be saved and live in eternity with Jesus. At around 10pm Tuesday night I received a text message from a friend who hears from God clearly very often. The text read “I keep feeling to tell you to remember your promise.” I replied “what is the promise” She responded “salvation”. The doctors were saying my sister was incoherent. However I know that our spirit man is always coherent. Knowing that I spoke to her spirit and ask Melissa to repent of her sins to forgive everyone and submit her spirit to Jesus Christ and live in live in eternity where she will have a glorified body and there will be no more pain. After that prayer I immediately turned on worship music and we held her the entire time as we watched her fight to leave us. About 1 minute after the worship song was over she passed to be with the Lord.

On Thursday the following morning after Melissa’s passing my dad asked me “what’s 3:16 in the bible” I replied “In John 3:16 it says For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” That was God reminding me that Melissa made it! Now Melissa is not perishing and has eternal life. Melissa passed on 3/16. Melissa did not die but cancer died and she is still living in heaven therefore she won!

Now I encourage you to also fight your battles in life. Don’t give up! Tonight and the next few days I would ask you to search your heart and see if you’re living a life that you know God would honor. My sister had a chance to give herself over to Christ and I know she did. Today you are also being given a chance to get right and be reconciled with Christ. Please don’t harbor unforgiveness in your heart, learn to love even when it hurts. You’ll find in the end it was all worth it.

Are you an Evil Doer?

I've made a decision that I was going to be reading the new testament a few times to get some more of Jesus life here on earth and how he lived it.

I was reading Matthew 7:22 On judgment day many will say to me, 'Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' That wrecked me. I have heard it preached before and read it also but think about this. These people were "serving God" The Lord simply tells them You Evil doers depart from me I never knew you. Where was their heart? How can you cast out a demon and operate in prophesy and not know Jesus. Im just saying I want to make sure everything im doing is out of my relationship with Jesus and not just because "I know how to do Church"

Passing Ministry on the way to ministry

It was November 1st an early morning my roommate knocks on my door and ask "chepe going to prayer?" I quickly responded "No".I just came back from Connecticut and I really hadn't slept well in a while, so I just wanted to have some good sleep in, after all we have been praying for about maybe over four months. Mind you this prayer meeting is for the city of orlando amongst about 5 or 6 friends. After I heard my roommate shut the door and start his car, I just couldnt stop thinking if I had made the right choice. I julted up and decided to just go (was excited to shower because of new soap and shampoo it helped lol). On my way to 6am prayer I was parked at a red light and I notice a car on the side of the road and a young person looking like they needed help. So Light turnes green I press the gas and as I pass this young person I imediatly get convicted. I think of where im going and why I was going and thought how rediculous, how am I going to pass up an oportunity to help someone in the city of Orlando in need when im waking up for 6am prayer for the past few months asking God to show him self in ways where people cant deny the love of God. Here's my prayer in action! I do a quick U turn ask the guy "Hey need help" He said "well my car over heated" I invite him in the car (nervously, thinking if I can fight him if i needed to lol) and he seems a little nervous to and I asked him how old he was and he said 19 (The age I gave myself to the lord). We drove to the gas station so he could get what he needed and along the way This young man is saying he wants to be a motivational speaker. I can't help but know at this point this man has an assignment on his life and he's about to figure it out soon. I listen and listen (he's a talker, met his match lol) and after we get back to his car and its running he ask to go to denys. This stranger and I go to breakfast and he says "So where were you going" I said "6am prayer" then he ask "Why are you Christian" and i just share my life and why I decided to serve Jesus Christ. He wasn't sure if God existed but respected my story. I encourage him to go see a play that night at church about the real evil that goes on in life since holloween just passed. He was hesitant but said he would go. He actually went alone and enjoyed it and got to hear my pastor share his testimony at the end. The next day I asked what he thought he said he was inspired and that he didnt go to the alter because he realized there would have to be a change (pause) (another pause) wow! Yes he knew there was no more living the same from what the call was for. He asked to buy a bible, so we went next day to buy a bible and I told him to start reading the new testament. Imediatly in the car he opens and starts reading and preaching to me. lol He was amaized at what he was reading. Mind you he had not decided if God was real and if he was going to accept Christ. Thursday comes along and Im having starbucks with him letting him know "the only motivational speaking is that wich leads to christ" and he was thinking aobut it. It was a spiritual war! Sunday comes he goes to church, he enjoys the powerful testimony of my good friend June Gonzalez. The next tuesday November 9, 2010 he goes to www.boomtuesdaynights.com boom bible study. This night Carrie was sharing her testimony and included the story of Zakeuis, I walk in late because of work and I hear this voice and its him! This Dude is comparing his like to Zakeuis and breaking down the word in sections and say's "I feel like Zakeuis, when Jesus said come down because salvation comes to this house today" (pounding on his chest). Carries ask "Teomar do you want to accept Jesus" He says "Yes!" My jaw drops and they see me on the corner standing (I wasn't visible) and Carrie tells me to lead him to the Lord. All this goes to show is when you are praying for something and contending for it to happen dont miss it. I could of missed the very thing I have been praying for in the city. It may have delayed his break through. Days after I got to lead 2 more individuals to the Lord 1 being my brother after 6 years of praying. Take care of Gods business and he'll take care of yours.

A stranger became a friend then a brother in Christ.

I was gald to share what was shared with me November of 2005 at the age of 19 I accepted Christ. :) Best decicion I have EVER made and I gained so much more than I lost.

Honor Testimony

Whasup Fellow Bloggers!

I am excited to share a small testimonial about honor today. Yesturday a friend of mine taught a bible study on what it means to honor those who God places in authority and it deeply convicted me. My friend taught on how God has a full reward in store for us. Idont know about you but I want to get a full reward not a partial or even no reward from God.

Sure enough test came the next day. Today I woke up 45 minutes late to work. IM NEVER LATE! I was tempted to call out, because it would count against me as a call out any way. I decided that I would go in to honor my boss.

Then tonight I go eat at bentos and then to a wounderful play and I get back to my car feeling all blessed and BAM! Im giving the lady my parking validation given to me by the restaurant I ate at prior to the play and she said "I need to have the original ticket and the validation." So manager comes and says if it's lost thats a $30 fee. Imediatly I start sweating of anger arm pits wet and neck red lol...you get the picture. I tell the manager I dont have the money and its a rediculous cost. He caught an attitude so I end up telling him ok please give me the ticket you need to write and I need your card or someone higher up to complain about this crazy price. I get all that from him and im off. I said "God today I strived to honor you by honoeing my boss and going to work and I honored that manager by not getting nasty with him and this your money I can't be having it thrown away like that, If you helped a man yesturday find a girl in the woods after 4 days and I lost this ticket minutes ago you can help me find it, You know where it is God guide me." So I retraced my steps in my car driving slowly saying "Jesus Jesus Jesus" through downtown and BAM a shinny white parking ticket on robinson street! GLORY TO GOD! That's a small miracle and I believe it's because Im getting my FULL REWARD because Im Honoring!

Understanding God

I just had an awesome day by the pool since it's hot again in Florida. I read the 1st chapter of Crazy Love. I was taken back and in awe of God creation after reading the 1st chapter. I listened to the laughs of friends and thought how unique of God and creative that he would make that laughter different and so unique than others. What an artistic God I serve. Im being ministered by the Holy Spirit in a new way. I love books that cause me to be hungry for the word and drive me to just worship my creater. I let it resignate in my spirit that God is BIG , soverign, and creative! Stop and think, look, and touch..taste and see that God is good. Seriously do it. Drink water, look at your finger prints, touch a leaf, look in the mirror..what a creative God we have! Allow your self to engulf in that..GOD YOU ARE SOO BEYOND WHAT WORDS CAN DESCRIBE!

Organic Life

I have been organic living and its great. I felt lead to do this 40 day organic living where I dont use social networks (facebook, twitter, or myspace). It's been a great releif! I usually check my facebook or twitter any given moment through my phone. I find now that I have more of an organic life with that small change I have made in just 1 week. It's refreshing to not feel so overly socialy stimulated. It feels good to live a "normal" life. I dont watch much tv at all, I don't text as much, and I notice I have a much more relaxed, less busy, and noisey life. Less of the world's cluter and more of God's organic way of living. There needs to be a balance in our lives. Less tv watching, texting, social networking, and More reading, writting, and face to face conversating. Try it out!