My sisters blog she wrote years back..TOUCHING

Be happy with things as they are I usually don't cry in front of others, it's not in my nature, it just doesn't come easily. When I am alone and feel it comming on, I just go with it, but for me, this is a very intimate and personal thing that I find incredibly difficult to share. Today however, I could not contain my emotions and found myself crying while trying to find my way out of the maze St. Ray's calls Radiology. I had just had a chest x-ray, they were looking for new tumors on my lungs. Still, this was kind of surprising because this certianly isn't the most daunting test I've had to face, but it really got to me today. When I made it back to my oncologist's office for my chemo I sat next to an older woman. We began talking, swaping war stories (it's what you do when you're on the chemo assembly line) and she was also stage 4 breast cancer. I was schocked to learn that she was 87 years old. She looked fabulous for a woman her age, let alone a woman her age with cancer. Then she shared with me that she was currently undergoing radiation 5 days a week and was glad to have dropped down to having chemo once a week instead of the 3 treatement per week she was undergoing prior to begining radiation. She had had a radical mastectomy and a tumor on her spine removed. Unfortunately the cancer had now spread to her bladder and due to complications with her heart, she is not a good candidate for surgery and had to resote to chemo and radiation to try and kill the cancer. While everyone knows that chemo sucks ass what people generally don't know is that radiation is worse. It burns the hell out of your skin (leaving it dark and saggy when you're done) and it hurts like a SOB. It is also incredibly draining and probably more so because one doesn't expect it to be so and is not prepared for it. But here she was with a smile and her wig looking fierce as hell for an old chick. She had nothing but entertaining stories and kind words. Her cancer has spread to her bladder wich has something like an 86% mortality rate and here she was content with her life and more importantly just living it. I was ashamed that I had indulged in such self pity. Here I am young, relatively healthy (for the most part) and have a happy and full life. It could always be worse, unfortunately we rarely if ever stop to consider this. If I have learned anything from this shitty disease, it's that I will not be here forever or even as long as I might have thought or planned on. I need to just be in the moment and enjoy it. By my AMAZING sister Melissa DeVillegas who sits on the right side of the Lord