Hear My Cry

The passing of my beloved sister from earth to the next life has been a deeply defining moment. I've been through many different emotions and confusion that grief presents. I daily fight the spirit of depression and disparity. Through my journey people have seemed to have ignored the fact that even though I serve God I'm a mere man with emotions and im capable of loving God while still hurting. My world has completely changed, forever not just a season. I've recieved overwhelming compasion from people, at times people have prayed down on me and shared words that instead of providing me any comfort it seemed to back fire and kicked me down even lower. The fact is people don't always know how to comfort hurting people, unless they been down the same road before. At least they tried and that I apreciate, All in all I know they meant well so I wasn't angered. In my long suffering I've never thought this is all Gods fault. I know he could of healed my sister but he didnt, at least here on earth. I'm not mad at God, though I have many questions wich I desire not for any man to try to answer for me with their theology. I'll wait for God to answer them face to face one day.
My biggest fight now is being honest with my emotions and at the same time speaking faith. Then I read the scriptures and the men of God were REAL about how they felt but still professed who God is to them, so excuse me as I do the same:
Dear King
I'm full of sadness. I HATE that I had to see Melissa on that hospital bed in those conditions, strugleing to breath while I watched!
I HATE that my dad had to hold her head and wipe her foaming mouth as her head shook ferousiously during a siezier!
I HATED seeing her in a casket, THAT I REALLY HATED!!!!
I HATE that people say "It's ok" cause IT'S NOT!
I HATE fighting back tears in a line buying groceries, at a stop light, at a laugh, a smile, or a women that reminds me of Melissa!
Most of all I HATE CANCER!
I LOVE the grace you've given me and your gentle love!
I LOVE that you allowed her to live till I prayed the sinners prayer with her!
I LOVE that the bible has examples of those suffering and how you were there!
I LOVE that you have opened opportune moments to share love and compasion to others who lost loved ones!
I LOVE how friends have shed tears for their compasion towards my grief!
I LOVE HOW YOU LOVE ME!
YOUR GREAT,
YOUR HEALER,
YOUR MASTER,
YOUR HOPE,
YOUR ELROL,

Thank you for being patient with me and fighting for me! May this defining moment be defined by your touch on my wound. I can relate to the hym, "I've searched high and low and still couldn't find no body greater than you!" Yes and Amen!

Your beloved